So, I have been feeling discouraged the past few months, not just because of my not losing much through Weight Watcher's (and I know it's not their fault, mainly), but because of LIFL!! LOL I stopped reading it...

Not because it's not a great book. On the contrary, it's an amazing book, an awesome tool to use. I stopped reading it because that red pill is one hard pill to swallow.

There are things that I've blamed on my weight that may not be my weight's fault. Sure, there are definitely prejudices towards overweight people, and people who call themselves overweight who really aren't, but are trying to fit into the socially acceptable prototype of "healthy."

But I digress...there are things about me that are wrong that have absolutely nothing to do with my weight!! What a thought!! So, I stopped reading, because I guess it's taking me a little while to digest (pardon the pun) this information.

On the upside...I realized that since January, I have lost almost 30lbs. That is my "pre-Weight Watcher" weigh in number, but a real number, nonetheless. So, that is encouraging, and even though I haven't been going to WW meetings since before VBS, I have continued to lose, so, again, all positives!! :)

Part of me is in awe that I am 30lbs. smaller (I mean, that's more weight than Eli weighs!!), I did the math, and the other part of me isn't thrilled with 3lbs/month average, either.

SO, this has been a little melancholy, hasn't it? I don't mean for it to be, but these are the conflicting emotions I've been dealing with... And, I am going to start back where I left off in LIFL.

Love you all!! :)

Lose It For Liffe (LIFL)

So, I started a new book this week. And, WOW, is it ever good!!

I've felt for some time, now, that this journey I'm on is about more than what I put in my mouth... And, BOY, was I right!! I had a "clicking" moment last week that really woke me up... Something just clicked, I connected the dot from my emotions about something, to the very-over-my-points-that-day eating binge I had gone on.

So, I told Steve, "Honey, I really need to start that LIFL book..." So, he surprised me & ordered it!! :) It was probably the only time he'll ever be able to surprise me in a good way with something that says "You need to lose weight!!" LOL

Seriously, as the book put it, I've taken the red pill, and I've gotta tell you, it hurts going down... Reality is not easy to swallow, sometimes, especially when it's about ourselves.

So, I've been doing not so hot with the WW's, but I've kept going to meetings, and last week, I even "checked out" our class mascot, Hungry!! The kids loved him, and having him around did help me stop & think before I put something in my mouth.

So, onward & down-ward, I say!! :) Here's to figuring out how to "Lose It For Life"!!

Happy Birthday to Me!! :)

Today is my birthday, and I am also celebrating my 10lb. ribbon!! :) I got it last night, after I had "officially" won it a few weeks ago, but I had a couple of weeks of gains, but this week, I lost a whopping 5.6lbs.!! :) I REALLY worked for that loss this week!! :) I stuck to the guidelines, and I FINALLY added in exercise (Walk Away the Pounds...and I even did the 2mile!! :) ). Anyways, I can't believe how much better exercising makes me feel...

I came to the realization last week, too, that I have been rebelling somewhat... I think I shared here how it kind of "hit" me that my idea of normal needed to change... and I don't think I liked that, so I was rebelling... And, rebelling against the exercise, too... But making those changes have really helped!! :)

I stayed for my meeting last night (Steve's mtg. was cancelled, so I got to stay!! :) YAY!!) Anyways, it was all about negative self-talk, and I took notes!! That hit VERY close to home!! :)

The last few weeks have shown me, absolutely, that this isn't just a physical thing, but a very emotional & psychological thing as well...and spiritual, I believe, too... I mean, yes, I have some health issues that just flat-out make losing weight a challenge, but NOT impossible, but there are so many things that go so much deeper than meets the eye...

Okay, that's all I've got time for, I just wanted to give an update since it'd been so long!! LOL :) I am feeling stubborn, that no matter how long it takes me, I WILL still go to mtgs, and I WILL try & stay for the actual mtg. part, when at all possible... Life isn't gonna wait for me to have all my ducks in my little perfectionistic row, so kids, no kids, elder mtgs, no elder mtgs, I'm going to MY WW meeting!! :) I've found them to be very helpful & motivating... Especially when I feel anything BUT!! :)

OK, joyful living, everyone!! :)

Okay...I can't lie...I've been very frustrated with the weight-loss. It's been over 11 weeks (I think I am officially on week 13 or so), and I haven't even "won" my 10lb. ribbon. It's been very frustrating...

Okay, so I know why there hasn't been much change some weeks, but for the most part, I am following the Plan. PCOS complicates matters, too. And, in my head I know this, but I left a my meeting a very discouraged lady this past Tuesday night.

I am almost there, though, at my 10lbs. And, I know that it's not *really* my first 10lbs. It'll be more like 20 for me (although WW's doesn't recognize that because it was pre-WW).

I knew starting out that it would come slow, because it always does...dealing with reality is SO much harder than dealing with pep talks, though!! LOL

Okay, just so you know, I haven't given up...I'm just frustrated!! :)

In Spite of Birthday Cake...

So, the week after Abbey's birthday party wasn't good. I gained...

But THIS past Tuesday, I LOST 4.2!! HOT DOG!! :)

Things are going well...VERY busy, and the kiddos, especially Eli, have been sick this last week, but other than that, we're fine...

So, YAY FOR ME!! :) I'm less than 4lbs. from my 10lb. ribbon!! :) YAY!! :)

Ode To Birthday Cake...

O, Birthday Cake,
O, Birthday Cake,
How do I love you...
Let me count the ways...
There's nothing like the scent that wafts from your box
When you are just opened up from the bakery...
There's nothing like your moist cake with a buttercream icing.
And, O, how I covet a corner piece!!
I love you! I love you! I LOVE YOUUUUUUU!

That is what's going on with me!! LOL Last night we celebrated with some friends (it was my cousin Pam's birthday), and there was a most deliciously scrumptious cake there.

We were laughing, because the majority of the ladies there had just started WW's, but they WI on Saturday mornings.

We were talking about what to do with the cake, and my cousin Andrea said she was planning on having it for breakfast, lunch & dinner today after her WI!! LOL We got to laughing & I said, just bring it to WI!! LOL When she walks up to the scale, hand over her paperwork, & set down the piece of cake on the table!! LOL Andrea said she would be afraid to take a piece of cake into a WW meeting...she's afraid she'd be mauled to death!! LOL

Isn't it fun to go through journeys like this one with friends? Makes those temptations a lot easier, and joking about it taking the sting out of eating the salad instead... :)

Week 3

Last week we were canceled because of the snow we had!! Wow, it was bad!!

I think I had a loss last week, but we've been celebrating Abbey's Birthday this week (YAY!! She's 5!!). Anyways, I know I've overdone it this week...But, even for all of that I had a .75 loss!! :) So, still going in the right direction!! :)

Nothing more to really report on right now...I'm just trying to get through every day without binging!! :) I really needed to visit Carla's website...I got to reading about how she still loves the taste of food & still struggles with that issue. That helps me feel better about just keepin' on!! :) If she still feels like that after losing 100+ lbs. then it's normal for me to feel that way on my way to losing 100+ lbs.!! :)

OK, better go...It's bed time!! :)

Another Day

I've not counted the days in over a week!! LOL :)

Still doing OK. This has been a hard week, because I've been wanting to stress-eat...and it has not been easy. But, nothing worth doing is!! :)

So, I'm keepin' on!! :) I missed WI this week because of the snow, but I think I might try & go to the center to WI on Saturday...I don't know what I should do. I could just wait until my next regularly scheduled meeting & have a bigger number on my booklet!! :)

I'm going to add a recipe for "Pink Stuff" because this has literally saved my bum more than a few times!! :)

Pink Stuff

1pkt. Sugar Free Instant Jello
16oz. cottage cheese, low fat/fat free
1 small tub of cool whip free
1 can crushed pineapple, drained well

Prepare jello according to pkg. directions, but don't let set to solid (about 45minutes). Add cool whip, then cottage cheese, & pineapple. Let set overnight.

I count this as 2pts. per serving, 12 servings, 3/4 to 1 c serving size.

Okay, better go...I hope you're doing well, too!! :)

No, I haven't given up!! :)

Life is just busy, ya know? I barely get a chance to check email, let alone get on here to blog...

Anyways, I didn't lose as much as I'd hoped that first week (-2.6), but I figure that's from already losing 10lbs. before I officially started WW. So, there's not that first "wow" week...

I finally made it to the grocery store!! :) I've got the pantry stocked up & ready to go!! I can definitely tell I've been eating more fiber...and that's all I'm gonna say about that!! LOL

I do know that I need to start moving...Motivation is lacking in that department, though...Prayers, please?

Okay, better go. It's late & church will come early in the morning!! :)

Day 5

Today's going very well...Sundays are always wacky for us, there is no sticking to our "regular" schedule, but I've adapted very well!!

I did have a weak moment this morning. I had a good breakfast before we left for church (a banana & lite toast, 1 slice 1/2Tbs peanut butter, other slice with spray butter), so I wasn't famished...but after I got done singing with the Praise Team, I went to make sure Abbey made her way to Children's Church, and went into the kitchen to get some ice water (we have an AWESOME ice machine there!! :) I LOVE it!!) Anyways, while I was in there...I saw it. A Tim Horton's doughnut box...

And, yes, I opened it...And, yes, I ate one...I had a chocolate cake glazed one. It was DELICIOUS. But I felt bad afterwards, and still do. Now, I still have plenty of weekly points left, so that's not an issue.

But part of this journey, I know, is learning self-control. Self-control is so important, so important that Jesus even mentioned it as a fruit of the spirit (funny, he called it a "fruit" LOL Who says Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor?!?! LOL).

I know that I won't learn self-control in one week. This is just going to take practice. Every day. Not easy in a "microwave" society...

My next step in the coming weeks is to make a list of goals I want to incorporate into my life. I don't like to exercise. My mind knows it's good for me, though, but the rest of me isn't excited about it! LOL

I'm getting close to my first weigh in!! :)

Day 4

It's amazing how good a little girl time will make you feel!!

I went scrapbooking today @ my favorite store & had 2 pieces of pizza & still didn't use up all my points!! I did end up dipping into my weekly stash pts., but they are mostly still in tact!! :) YAY, ME!!

I have to tell you, though, it was very hard not to go up & get another piece of pizza, and then there was cake...really good cake with really good icing, and I could've had 2nds on that (because I got the smallest piece I could), but I DIDN'T get 2nds, so I am proud of myself!! :)

What saved my patootie was that I had brought some 100 calorie snacks to have an alternative around. I needed it, but not all that I brought!! LOL :) I did have some popcorn (oil popped, no butter, lightly salted...YUMO!! 1pt. per cup!!). It was freshly popped there in an old-fashioned type popcorn machine, and it was worth the weekly point stash!!

A good day!! :)

Day 3

So, today was another good day!! :) I didn't have to use my weekly stash points, and I earned 2 AP's!! :) Abbey & I did Walk Away the Pounds (WAP) 1 mile today (she loves my "stretchie").

I didn't even use my AP's!! :)

Tomorrow might be my first major challenge, though. I'm going to a crop tomorrow, and there will be pizza, my old foe, there. LOL I'm actually not too worried about it. I'm usually too busy there to even remember if I've eaten or not, and the pizza will come at dinner time. The challenge will be in allotting enough points for pizza. I fully intend to have some!! :)

That's all for tonight, kids!! I wasn't too hungry all day!! And, I know that I'm not supposed to, but I did anyway...I weighed myself today...and it was going in the right direction!! I think that's actually what motivated me to exercise today. I didn't compare it to my WW WI, I compared it to when I weighed myself before my official WI.

Anyways, it has helped me to stay motivated, so I will not feel guilty about it!! LOL :)

Thanks for all your support!! :)

Day 2

Today was a hungry day...Like, I felt like nawing off the table legs...at least it would be a filling food full of fiber!! LOL No, but seriously, I don't know what my problem is...

Wait, yes I do!! It's that time of the month!! OF COURSE!! I am CONSTANTLY hungry on these few days of the month.

I started out well. I had a great breakfast, didn't feel hungry at all until 4p.m.ish. Then, WATCH OUT!!

So, I dipped into my weekly points, but only used 5-6 of them. I am almost done munching for the night, and have already reserved 2pts. for a special treat later (not much later, because I want to stop eating before 8p.m., and maybe work my way up to 7p.m.)

Why do I feel guilty for dipping into those weekly points? That's what they're there for. I guess I was just so proud of myself yesterday for having to LOOK for things to use my points on...

DAY 1

So. Last night I went to my "first" Weight Watcher's Meeting. I say "first" because it's not the first time I've joined WW's, but the first time this go-around.

I have to say, I was impressed with this new "Momentum" program. They still do points, weekly points, activity points, & all that jazz...But their focus is different. I've been to a few meetings in my day, and I can tell you that everyone in that room is wanting to eat as much food as they can without going over in their points, and that's what WW's is trying to teach us now.

I need meetings. I need people there behind the scale, seeing the same number I am, because I need that kind of accountability. I've also started going to a meeting by myself. My mom & sister are going together, and I've gone with them & other friends & family members before, too. This time, I need to do this by myself. I can't explain why I feel so strongly about that, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I like to know that I'm not alone in this dieting journey, and that since my mom & sister are doing it we can encourage each other. Yet, I've always gone to meetings with other people, and I've never succeeded. I think I compare myself to others too much.

ANYWAYS, whatever the real reason, I can't say for sure. But I am going alone. Well, not really alone, but there is no buddy with me this time...

And, for some reason, I need that.